This week, Padre continues to put his official stamp on the group while taking Probie under his wing.\u00a0 From there, we meet a creepy\u00a0old woman, a mercenary named Stumpie, and some walking mushroom men.\u00a0 If this sounds like a big bad dream, rest assured, we have those this week as well.\u00a0 My name is Kent, I am your host, and Eric is your writer.\u00a0 Every week, I provide you with a video or two to compliment the literature.\u00a0 This week’s video choices have zero, I repeat, ZERO self serving purposes.\u00a0 It is a hit reality show called Puppet Enough from some amazing TV show called The Malarkey Show.\u00a0 This video looks like it was poorly transferred to VHS before getting uploaded, but you should enjoy the video.<\/p>\n
https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=xQPPGYFu5kI&t=2s<\/p>\n
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Tomb of Annihilation<\/strong><\/p>\n Chapter 11 \u2013 Probie is on the Case<\/strong><\/p>\n As the party walked away from the flying stone heart, they heard a rustle in the nearby bushes. \u00a0Readying themselves for danger, they were surprised to find a young half-elven male emerging from the shrubbery. \u00a0The young man, who appeared to be skilled in the thieving arts, explained that he had awoken in these bushes three days earlier, unsure of how he had gotten there. \u00a0Afraid to step foot in the jungle alone, he spent the days watching for travelers why sustaining himself on the supplies he found within his pack. Seeing that the party was well armed and appeared to be comfortable in the jungle, he asked to join them.<\/span><\/p>\n Needing a skilled lock-picker in the party the group agreed to the proposal and Compassion asked the young man his name. \u00a0However, before he could answer Padre spoke up and said, \u201cAs the former newest member of the party, who underwent days . . . er . . . MONTHS of hellish torture as a newbie, I will be taking over your onboarding into the group. \u00a0Further, until I have decided that your probationary period has completed, you will be known only as Probie.\u201d Not having any other choice, Probie agreed, at which point Padre handed Probie his great-sword and told Probie to polish it as they marched through the Jungle.<\/span><\/p>\n As the party headed in the direction of what they hoped would be Omu, they found the next few days of travel to be relatively uneventful. \u00a0On the evening of their third day since leaving the stone heart, a frail old woman seemed to manifest out of nowhere and entered the party\u2019s camp. \u00a0Before the other party members could react, Padre handed Probie a clipboard and said, \u201cCome Probie, we must run through the \u201cIs this person a heretic questionnaire?\u2019 to determine whether or not she needs to be smited.\u201d \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Upon approaching the old woman, Padre demanded that she, \u201cstate her name, age, occupation, marital status, and relevant homeland identification code.\u201d \u00a0The woman responded, \u201coh dearie me, let me think for a second and . . . YOINK!!!\u201d Upon yelling \u201cyoink\u201d the old woman pulled a hair from Padre\u2019s head and then disappeared into a puff of smoke. \u00a0Any attempt by the party to discern her location or direction to which she fled failed completely. With no way to track the old woman, the party decided to hope for the best and continue along their set path in the morning.<\/span><\/p>\n That night, as Padre drifted off to sleep, he began to have a wonderful dream about his homeland of Purity City, where the streets are paved in white gold and stained in red by the blood of slain heretics. \u00a0Much to his horror, in the middle of his dream a stunningly beautiful, nearly naked woman appeared offering Padre all manner of unearthly carnal delights. Being as dedicated to chastity as he was to smiting, Padre spent the majority of the dream running from the maiden while recoiling in horror. \u00a0In the real world, Probie happily watched as Padre tossed and turned, appearing to have a truly terrible night\u2019s sleep. Upon waking up the next morning, Padre felt as if some of his life essence had been drained.<\/span><\/p>\n The next day Probie, who was scouting ahead, saw a man dressed in red laying against a tree. \u00a0Upon sneaking closer Probie saw that the man\u2019s legs had been bitten off. Likely, the poor soul had been attacked by a dino and then clawed his way to the tree and died. \u00a0At first the rest of the party felt bad for old stumpy until they saw that he was dressed like one of the Flaming Fist mercenaries, at which point they used the body to put on a puppet show while Probie looked for evidence as to whether the dino was still in the area.<\/span><\/p>\n As the rest of the party completed their play, <\/span>Weekend at Stumpy\u2019s<\/span><\/i>, Probie returned to inform them that he found T-Rex tracks leading into the jungle in the general direction they were headed. \u00a0While not particularly excited to fight a T-Rex that was not also zombified, they reasoned that they ought to try to set traps and ambush it before it came to eat them.<\/span><\/p>\n After tracking for a bit, they found themselves near the T-Rex\u2019s lair. \u00a0Forgetting just how big a dinosaur is, the party spent the next four hours creating a trip wire and digging a punji stick pit. \u00a0Upon having Ducky make a \u201cwalking McNugget\u201d roar to get the T-Rex\u2019s attention, the T-Rex charged and . . . completely stepped over the party\u2019s intricately laid traps. \u00a0Luckily, T-Rex\u2019s are notoriously weak against multiple lighting bolts to the face, and it did not take long for the party to slay the beast. They then took to the task of harvesting two-weeks worth of T-Rex meat.<\/span><\/p>\n That night, as they slept soundly with their bellies full of T-rex steaks, it was Hertz who had the strange dream. \u00a0In it, he was completely tied up and gagged so that he was unable cast any spells. Before him on a pedestal was a burning candle. \u00a0Being the smart and handsome man that he is, and thinking about what happened to Padre, Hertz closed his dream eyes, began praying to Talos, and actively tried to disbelieve the dream. \u00a0The dream immediately ended and Hertz woke up mere minutes after he had gone to sleep. <\/span><\/p>\n After discussing with the rest of the party what happened, Hertz realized that the candle in the dream looked just like the candle he had left at Valindra\u2019s place when he promised to return to her before the candle burned out. \u00a0Realizing that Valindra was just trying to have a magical dream date with him, Hertz looked up, apologized, and promised to go right back to sleep to resume their date, however, much to his sadness, Hertz had no further dreams that night.<\/span><\/p>\n The next day a sad and mopey Hertz spent the entire morning of travel lamenting to anyone who would listen about how he had \u201cruined his date with Valindra,\u201d and probably \u201cdoomed their relationship.\u201d \u00a0Eventually, the rest of the party got annoyed and Padre ordered Probie to act as Hertz\u2019s sounding board far behind the ground.<\/span><\/p>\n That afternoon the party came upon some ruins. \u00a0Within the ruins the party found a weathered, demonic-looking statue surrounded by bones. \u00a0Upon closer inspection the bones varied from animal, to human, to . . . other. Seeing such a sight reignited Hertz\u2019s passion for Valindra, and he pulled Probie and his clipboard aside to begin drafting a love poem. <\/span><\/p>\n While drafting the \u201cepic sonnet,\u201d Hertz and Probie failed to notice that the rest of the party had become surrounded by, and were then engaging in combat with, a variety of colorful enemies. \u00a0Specifically, there were hordes of giant centipedes, a giant yellow mushroom with legs, and several humanoid creatures covered in yellow mushroom dust that were enslaved by the walking-mushroom. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Despite Probie\u2019s insistence that they join the fight, Hertz insisted that Probie continue taking notes while he used the fight as inspiration. \u00a0When Padre became covered in hundreds of giant centipedes, Hertz had Probie write that, \u201cValindra\u2019s love was like being encased in a sexy necrotic aura.\u201d \u00a0When Ducky took a serious blow and fell to the ground bleeding, Hertz added the line that, \u201cthe first time I saw you, my heart felt like it was a dinosaur that had been punched in the face by a walking mushroom-man.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Eventually, some of the enslaved yellow-dust humanoids made their way over to Herz and Probie. \u00a0Probie immediately hid and watched as the humanoids tried to attack Hertz. However, being that they were unarmed, their attacks bounced harmlessly off Hertz\u2019s thick armor as he continued to write. \u00a0Probie shot arrows at the thralls from his hiding spot until they were all dead.<\/span><\/p>\n As the battle came to a close, a blood and bug covered Compassion came over to Hertz and asked to see, \u201cthe masterful love poem that he had just composed.\u201d \u00a0Thrilled at being appreciated for his talent, Hertz had Probie hand over the draft. Compassion then wiped viscous, black, centipede guts over each and every page until it was completely illegible.<\/span><\/p>\n Hertz resumed being sad.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Is the party close to Omu? \u00a0Will a hag continue to drain Padre\u2019s essence? \u00a0Can Hertz overcome his melancholy and win back the heart of Valindra? \u00a0Find out all this and more on the next exciting episode of Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium! \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n ____________________________________________<\/p>\n https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Fm8Z060SkfE<\/p>\n ____________________________________________<\/p>\n You can find us at the actual 9 Deuce website<\/a>\u00a0where we have the archives as well as other content such as horror movie reviews, wrestling blogs, podcasts, and some other material. \u00a0We’re on Facebook<\/a>, on Twitter @official9deuce<\/a>, or Tumblr @ superkent92<\/a>\u00a0or Instagram at Official9Deuce<\/a>\u00a0.\u00a0 Share this, like this, write us an email with a question or a comment at kent@9deuce.tv<\/a>. \u00a0Hell, you can subscribe via RSS. \u00a0Facebook and the website are probably the best bets. \u00a0Thank you.\u00a0 Also, I don’t own the rights to any of these music videos, obviously.\u00a0 You know who the owners are and they deserve all the credit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This week, Padre continues to put his official stamp on the group while taking Probie under his wing.\u00a0 From there, we meet a creepy\u00a0old woman, a mercenary named Stumpie, and some walking mushroom men.\u00a0 If this sounds like a big bad dream, rest assured, we have those this week as well.\u00a0 My name is Kent, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11614,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3752],"tags":[3775,3759,3758,4148,4147,4150,4145],"class_list":["post-11613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tales-from-the-plunderbund-consortium","tag-adventure-write-up","tag-dd","tag-dnd","tag-dragons","tag-dungeons","tag-fifth-edition","tag-tomb"],"yoast_head":"\n